Follow upstream…

26 Jan

Taking a minute out to recognize real talent…please check out my boy Kwame’s page.

http://www.kwamedelfish.com

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Hey how come??

24 Jan

I guess I’m a liar…I promised all my loyal followers an active and consistent blog, and look what I give you guys…nothing, nothing but empty promises. This makes me sick, I actually make myself sick…if you guys don’t wanna follow me or my blogs anymore I understand, but before you make such a rash decision maybe you can tell me how come…

People still keep saying ” for all intensive purposes…” what exactly is an intensive purpose??? Is it a purpose that is much more serious than other purposes, or is more driven??? I doubt it…it’s intents and purposes!

Or maybe you can tell me how come Google has not yet invented the Google-ometer!?! Or why Facebook hasn’t developed the newest FaceSmasher, or the Twitter Thought Thwarter…enter an idea into any one of these devices, then voila all of a sudden it is infinitely better…startups need some love too. Truth be told though, if I were Mark Zuckerberg or the Brin/Page duo I’d probably do the same thing…the Surereef SharpShooter, take ideas, put them in a devastating leg lock and make them better Surereef style…hmmmm

You know what would be cool though, if airline companies had a fleet of planes that all worked…you know, like planes.

You know what else would be cool, if leather jackets such as this one ceased to exist. Just because I’ve never found one that compliments my husky figure.

How come I have never finished a full game of monopoly? I’ve never even reached the house/hotel stages

Who remembers which pattern  of tunnels to go through in order to get to Bowser at the end of Super Mario Bros 1? Because I don’t, and I need to know that now…sans google search

How come you can’t do the back pedal skid stop on bikes these days???

…But I digress, this is just a glimpse of my thoughts on average day, hour, or visit to the good ol’ ceramic throne (haha…tmi??) Before I go, I leave you with this last one…

If rubber heats up with friction, how come they haven’t invented snow tires that heat up with road friction and melt any snow and ice that dare to stand in your way??? Did I just blow your mind??? Scientists are not allowed to debunk this idea…and I just patented the technology.

2010 —> 2011

1 Jan

So let me start off this 2010 year in review with…SIKE!!!! No year in reviews in surereef’s house, not that there’s anything wrong with them I just don’t think I’m qualified enough to give a worthy review.

2011 is here and by now most of you will be reflecting on your so-called resolutions and wondering when/if they will catastrophically fail. Although I do think waiting for the end of one year and the beginning of another is counter-productive when you are resolving for things that will help yourself, you can’t deny that officialness type feeling that the beginning of the year gives you as the platform for your new and improved version of you. So with that said I would like to present to you Surereef’s resolutions of 2011:

RESOLUTIONS

  1. Finalize transition from IT guru to Digital Marketing/Advertising tycoon
  2. Family Family family…Solidify my foundation as person, Muslim, brother, son and _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
  3. Maintain my Herculean physique and enter numerous Mr. Universe’s (Mr. Universii??)
  4. Push forward with ALL side projects…or at least move them from my side to my frontal area
  5. Eradicate all forms of fruit flies from existence
  6. Let the creative juices flow…into a smoothie of creativity and strawberries
  7. No speeding tickets
  8. Introduce my new shirt line…Shirtreef???
  9. And most importantly: Continue to be thankful for what I have and look forward to what I have yet to achieve

I want to thank all of you who have been reading my blog since it started, yes the numbers are small, and yes you are all either friends or family, but still I appreciate everyone of you and wish that this year gives all of you everything you hope for. I’m gonna go get hammered…on Ginger Ale. PEACE!

An actual photo of me during Movember 😉

Things I like…the next episode

25 Dec

So I got some real good feedback on my last entry, the good thing about your boys is that they’ll tell you whats real. If it’s wack, they’ll tell you it’s wack, if it’s decent, they’ll still tell you it’s wack, but with a different inflection in their voice lol. Anyways, enough voice analyzation let’s keep it moving to part two of the things I like. The last time I left you I was talking about foods, sunroofs, and plush garments…this time around, who knows what will make the cut. So let’s get ready for the next episode…

Sports…yes, sports hilights…more yes: It’s no secret that I love sports, for those who know me I’ve become known as the wikipedia of sports. What that means??? I know a lot of useless info about sports in my big ass head lol. Back to my topic, where else…you know forget words, just watch these:

First from the world of Japanese baseball:

And then from the National Basketball Association, Mr. Blake Griffin:

Mozgov and Galinari, ya’ll just got sonned…SON!!

Now onto the world of Italian Serie A soccer:

Same sport, but from La Liga…the tiny man that could:

See I could go on for this whole post, but I still have 4 more things to cover…but do you see what I’m saying, if you don’t get excited by these hilights then your brain lacks important brain matter.

Lazy bumming it: I’m a busy dude, lots of people are busy these days, so to get these types of days are becoming as rare as finding a shirt from H&M that fits properly and lasts more than 6 months. For real though, one of these days should consist of nothing more than breathing, eating, napping, and number 2’ing it. Actually I’ll take it one step further, you’re really bumming it if you don’t take a shower or do any sort of hygenic up keep AT ALL. Am I gross? ya…does my breath stink? yaaaaa…is it amazing?? YAAAAAAA. If dudes or dudettes ever get one of these rarities come across their way then you MUST I say MUST take advantage of this. So with all this said, I say to all my people, be a bum, a smelly one at that 😉

Crunchy peanut butter: Uh ohhh, another food?!? You damn right. Peanut butter is already great, but throw in some crunchy bits of peanuts then you got an insane combination of amazingness. Who wants to come over and have a crunchy peanut butter sandwich? If you say no to this generous invitation, then you butter have a good excuse lolol oh man (did I just write that??). Update: I had some crunchy peanut butter yesterday with some of the Wallah Bros. and wallah bro it was good.

I’m going to end it here for now…maybe I’ll continue with the remaining two items later on to complete the top 10. I gotta go buy a metal pole for the festivus celebrations…

Where I been…

18 Dec

Nowhere really…I’m gonna use the common excuse that I was “too busy” or “busy with work” which is true, wack, but true. And it is with that, that I know I have to really dedicate myself to this for the sake of up-keeping the pure fabric of blogging. Ok, that might be unecessarily too deep, but for real though…if you’re gonna have a blog with 1 or 1,000,000 readers you need to be able to connect with them, and do so on consistent basis. I have NOT been doing this…clearly. So, let me apologize for my laziness and rebirth (it works) myself as the dedicated blogger that I should be.

So with that said, lemme jump into a topic that was suggested to me  by one of my boys (shout out to Amr), he suggested that I write about my 10 favorite things in the universe. Good idea, yes, but I think 10 might be too much for this entry so maybe i’ll just break it into two sections. So without further ado, here is the first half of my 10 favorite things in the universe: (by the way these are in no particular order)

Peanut Butter cups: Damn I love these chocolatey circles. Whoever thought of combining peanut butter and chocolate into a ribbed circle is a goddamn genius. I literally eat these things like they’re pistachios (huh!?), for real man, once I start eating these things its pretty much game over for any bag in my vicinity. Oh, and Hallowe’en time??? Forget about it man, I’m known around my parts as lil Reesy lolol…no i’m not, but you get. Now let’s keep it moving on to next thing…

Ginger Ale: What is this drink and what magical ingredients is it made up of? Here’s my theory with Ginger Ale, If people normally drink Ginger Ale when they have stomach ache, then why not drink Ginger Ale all the time to alleviate any possibility of future stomach aches!!! Tell me this theory isn’t bulletproof and i’ll show you a damn fool lol. For real people, I use to be plagued with an over abundance of stomach aches and ever since I implemented the Ginger Ale diet, not only has it eliminated 86% of my stomach ailments, it has also all of a sudden vaulted itself to #1 on my all time favorite drink list ahead of this classic. Moral of this blurb?? Drink Ginger Ale, be your stomach’s best friend 🙂

Jogging Pants/Sweatsuits/Sweatpants: Whatever you want to call these pieces of garment magic, make sure you call them comfort point blank period done. Remember that episode where George Costanza wore the velvet suit, yes he looked like a fuzzy eggplant, but he looked damn comfortable doing it. My point, no matter how you look at them there’s no denying how comfortable these things are, I mean damn, I’m wearing them right now as I write this. But don’t go thinking you can just go buy any pair of sweats and then boom, all good in the hood, no my friend, there’s a science to buying the right pair of sweats. First off, for the pants, a must is a drawstring waist, if you got a button or zipper fly set of sweatpants then keep it moving my friend…no love for you guys. Secondly, they have to be baggy, no fitted, skinny, or slim jogging pants…don’t worry you won’t look too “homey g” with baggy sweats. If were talking the top, all you need to know is hoody…done.

Car sunroof: Aka the 5th window (3rd if you got a coupe). Picture this if you will, 3am, you’re just coming home from whatever spot you call hot and you’re making your way home. You’re falling asleep, that post club chinese food ain’t helping, and you need to stay awake and entertained at the same time…impossible you say?!? Open that sunroof, play this track, and you my friend are GOOD…REAL GOOD! To me opening the sunroof is like opening the portal to fun possibilities, I mean think of all the activities!!! To all my people out there, if you own a car, thinking of owning a car, own the exclusive rights to driving your moms car, you need to sunroof it, and if your car doesn’t have a sunroof, then you’re an imbecile with substandard morality lol.

La Vache Qui’rit: For those who are gastronomically challenged, la vache qui’rit is this wonderful triangle slice of cheese. Yes, 3 out of my first 5 favorite things are some kind of food, and yes it appears that I have some kind of affinity for geometric shapes and food…AND!?! These isosceles’ are great and I challenge anyone to a duel who wishes to disagree. I remember the first time I had these things was back home in the motherland of Egypt, where I laughed at my mom for trying to pass this obvious weak attempt at a “kids snack”. In my adolescence I was quite the food connoisseur, and anything with a laughing cow, an earring, and french writing was an automatic pass to the reject aisle…but my friends I was wrong…so so wrong. It’s like reaching up and taking a slice of a cheesy cloud while riding on a red cow that keeps laughing at your jokes. Seriously, what can be better than that scenario I just described right there…NOTHING, why!?! Because I’m sure of it!!!! (it’s back)

A man’s fanstasy…

28 Nov

Nope not a threesome…definitely not a new tool set…and I’m not talking about this dude when his fantasy of meeting his wrestling idols finally came true. You wanna know what a man’s real fantasy is, at least this man’s writing this post…FANTASY SPORTS!!! (Is it ironic that my fantasy, has the word fantasy in it??)

For real though, where would men, sports, men + sports be without fantasy sports??? I don’t even think sports would exist, and the word fan would only describe this cool thing. Fantasy sports elevates one’s interest in the game by levels that are unheard of…I would venture to say the human ear actually has difficulty hearing the increased level of interest. I’m pretty convinced that I’m a nerd for getting really excited for fantasy draft night, the beginning of each NBA, NFL season is like the first day of Grade 6 to me. You know when you show up in class with the new overalls your mom bought you, the new nikes that she got from Sears, and those special ethnic lunches she would pack. What I’m trying to say is that Fantasy Sports is now one of the more exciting things that is in my life, you decide how sad that actually is…

On the flipside, I think the players in these sports should be thanking us fantasy sports addicts. For real, where else would anyone care about Thomas Jones and the fact that he gets all the goal line carries for the Chiefs, which means more TD points for me…or the fact that three years ago my shrewd pick up of Joel Przybilla halfway through the NBA season allowed me to win my NBA pool and pocket a large sum of money…who are these guys??? that’s exactly my point. I’m sure they’re swell, stand up gentlemen with steeds of women at their beck and call, but in the world of sports they’re only relevant to us fantasy-ers fantasians…yeaaa mayn!!

There are a billion articles, blog posts, rants and raves about fantasy sports and the science behind winning your pool…however, never has there been such a poignant reflection on the true meaning of what fantasy sports mean to men aka me. Do I feel sorry for my wife?? No…do I feel sorry for your wife?? Yes…why? It doesn’t matter.

Anyways, let me leave you with this…my favorite NFL team for the past 15 years has been the Atlanta Falcons and today they were playing the Green Bay Packers. Although I don’t like the Pack, I was actually cheering for them to score td’s and field goal’s so that my fantasy kicker could gain his points. So in other words, I was cheering against my favorite team so that a kicker…a KICKER could get me points. If that’s not sick, then I know what is…this.

Next post I tackle why men aka me like cocoa butter sooooo much…IT’S STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT!!!

Eid Mubarak

16 Nov

I just wanted to send a special message to all my family, friends and anyone else who may come across this…